Controlling dating and marriage relationships happen to be far more common than most people realize, and even though they are thought of as unhealthy and bad, the people that choose them do so for somewhat plausible, albeit bad reasons.
Such as actors in a play, in the majority of controlling dating and marriage relationships there are two roles being portrayed, the controller and the controlled.
A good counselor will tell you that the person who decides to marry or date the controller is doing this due to one or a mixture of the following factors.
1. To be controlled by another person is precisely what they are used to, what they were raised with, so even though it?s not pleasant, it is suprisingly comfortable.
2. They may be trying to reform the controlling individual. Usually this is carried out unconsciously as a way of trying to fix the unhealthy relationship they had with their primary care giver or parent.
3. To be in a relationship with a controlling mate makes them look good, due to the fact that when they evaluate their own actions versus the controller?s, they appear to be doing a pretty good job of managing their life, despite the fact that they?re most likely not.
4. Being with a controller appears to make life less complicated at moments because they don?t have to make very many decisions, because that?s what the controlling individual does. This gives them someone to blame when things don?t work out right because they didn?t make the decision.
In case you?re looking to break free from a controlling relationship, here?s a few things to think about.
If you are trying to transform a controlling person?please stop. There is no type of action better at producing insanity in a person than wanting to control something you have no control over. The only thing we have control over is ourselves, and in the event that we spend our time working on our own hang ups and shortcomings, we will acquire increased feelings of control over our lives.
Don?t hide behind a controller?s bad behaviour to make yourself seem good, to hide your shortage of personal motivation and commitment to growth. Unearth a reason for living life that brings joy to you and others. Do some exploration into your life purpose and learn why you are here on planet earth.
Invest the time and energy needed to learn how to make one?s own decisions. Spending time with a controlling individual can be good because they?re pleased in making all the decisions. That allows you off the hook, but you don?t develop the good habit of making sound decisions. Just like any new skill, understanding how to make good choices, is a skill that becomes better with increased practice.
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